introverts get married too.
By definition, I am an extroverted introvert. While very comfortable being extroverted in a group of people I know, in front of a large group or with people I do not know, I prefer to observe before speaking out. I often ask questions before putting myself in a situation. Yet, if I need to ask too many, I know it’s not a situation I should put myself in at that moment in time.
Introverts are often over thinkers. Calculated. Planners.
Getting married: on one hand, it can be the most ideal situation for an introvert. Every last detail is planned from location to timing to the guest list.
On the other hand, it can be an introvert's nightmare. “Performing” in front of so many people. Being watched by guests and cameras all day.
I have compiled some advice from my own experience to help ease the pain of planning for all you introverts.
- Do you! Despite what anyone else may want you to do, make sure the day represents the two of you as a couple. Here I give some advice on how to handle unsolicited advice. If you want a Polka band or your reception at your favorite bar, DO IT!
- Be very selective with the guest list. Make sure each and every person you invite has a reason to be there. You are not obligated to allow "plus ones" whatsoever! My wife and I were both nervous about "performing" and being watched, but it felt so easy once we realized that we truly loved each of our 130 guests. Yes, 130. And it still felt intimate enough for us.
- On the other hand, sometimes it's easier to avoid conflict by inviting that one person your mom really wants there that knew you when you were in diapers. Ultimately, it's up to you. Pick and choose your battles.
- Get married under something. Our ceremony was a modern Jewish wedding. We got married under a chuppah my dad made us adorned with fabric from our mothers' wedding dresses. It was not only incredibly special but helped the ceremony feel incredibly intimate between my wife and me.
- Having close, intimate relationships with your vendors will help provide you with comfort, security, and trust. Furthermore, each vendor will know you better and be able to truly give you what you want. Often, they'll know better what you want than you do! I loved meeting my vendors for a beverage or a bite to chat wedding and everything else under the sun. It helped me feel confident and comfortable with them.
- Visit your venue more often to feel comfortable in the space. If it is not a public place, talk to your point of contact and be honest about your nerves.
- Keep some normalcy in your morning routine day of wedding. If you're a runner like my wife, go for a run. Or maybe you like to cook breakfast. Whatever it is, doing something "normal" will help calm your nerves.
- A good night's rest makes all the difference for your wedding day. I honestly wish my wife and I shared a bed the night before our wedding. I sleep significantly better in her arms... or at least under the same comforter.
- If you want to get ready with your spouse, DO IT! My wife and I did our hair and makeup trials together, got ready in the same room, but still did a first look as we hadn't seen each other's dresses until that point. It allowed us to share the entire day together and it felt right for us.
- If the idea of a long morning of getting ready is daunting, hire more people for your beauty team. Ask your makeup artist and hairdresser to bring assistance with them so the morning goes by more quickly. We had 3 makeup artists and 2 hairdressers in the room getting 10 people ready.
I hope these tips will be helpful in your planning. Remember to enjoy yourself amongst all the nerves and anxiety, this is such a special time for you and your loved ones.