hello 30: a letter to my past self on self-care, work, makeup, and more!

Dear past Kim,

Guess what, life turns out to be pretty darn good. You have an incredible wife who is your absolute soul mate and best friend and a beautiful home that you create together. But, you don’t get married at 22 or have kids before 30. And you are so happy about it! Really, I promise. Instead, you used your 20s to grow, evolve, experiment, and get grounded.

You have so many wonderful people close to your heart because you continue to be and have always been authentic. But it isn’t always easy. Because you give so much of yourself away, it will drain you a lot from time to time. People cannot always give back the same amount or type of energy you give. You will learn who to give what amount of energy to.

people can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves

This is not to say that one person is better or smarter than the other, but that people make different choices for their lives and not everyone is meant to be in one another’s. And that is ok. You will be confronted with this conflict several times before coming to this realization, and it will change EVERYTHING.

One day you will put your health first and reclaim yourself from colitis. On your 30th birthday you will have been in remission for 4.5 years! You change your diet and focus on self-care. You will feel better than you can ever remember. No more daily shoulder pain. No more constant bloating.

In 2014 you have a horrible flare up. One of the worst to date. This sparks your desire to take control and through talking with a friend, you read “It Starts With Food” and start the Whole30 diet. While you only made it 21 days, you find out very clearly what your body cannot handle. It is life changing. No more gluten, black or pinto beans whatsoever. You also reduce eggplant, tomatoes, corn, and eventually sugar. You have more energy and just generally feel better. Within a year you are in full remission for the first time ever, and it continues at least until 2018!

Equally as important as your change in diet is the change in your self-care. You start to put yourself first. You attempt to slow down more, say “no” more, and engage in activities that fuel your body instead of taking away from it. One of the biggest influences was when you start floating in the beginning of 2017. You were so depressed. It was a really hard time in your marriage and relationships with people who are no longer friends (thank goodness- remember what I was talking about before?) You started floating regularly and it was better than any anti-depressants you’ve taken before. It truly felt like your brain was being rewired. Since floating you are better able to handle stress and conflict, and it really helps with your memory for weeks after each float! Even now that you don’t float regularly anymore, it has changed you forever.

Then, at the start of 2018, you begin acupuncture. Another life changing experience. Your neck pain greatly reduces, and again, your stress and anxiety becomes even more easy to manage. You continue to take better and better care of your body by making it the priority. More exercise, better eating, finding a balance of alone and social time. You figure out who to give yourself to, and where to be conservative with your time and energy.

Halfway through 2018 you reduce your chemical products and start using essential oil for daily health and in place of over the counter medications. Not only does your house smell really nice all the time, there is such an ease in knowing that you continue to take more control of your overall health every single day. But, girl. That non-toxic chemical-free rabbit hole is ridiculous! You even purchase more health nail polish and put away an entire bag full of OPI and Essie polishes! And no more candles from Marshalls and IKEA! I bet you never that that day would come!

And girl, you are killin’ it in your careers. At this very moment you have FIVE weddings booked for NEXT SEASON and you are making a difference in the lives of your students every single day. But, per usual, you have SO MANY DREAMS! Write a book. Be a life coach. Direct a preschool. But, in this moment you are working on focusing on the present and being the best you can be in this moment. You are trying to find a work life balance when it comes to your makeup business. It can be so hard when it’s something you love.

Bottom line, life is freaking great. And with your mindset, it’s only going to get better from here!