But Motherhood Changed Me: my journey to get here

I had the honor of getting a first hand look at many different families for much of my life as a nanny, babysitter, and early childhood educator. I had a really good idea for what motherhood would entail; how challenging parenting could be and how much my life would change. It is something I wanted for as long as I can remember.

What I didn’t know is how much motherhood would change me.

Almost as long as I knew I’d be a mother, I knew I’d be a teacher. Since third grade when my teacher told me I looked good sitting at her desk. My first known career invitation. I started at CSU Chico as a liberal arts major in 2007 with a specialization in elementary education as a member of a fast track program to get my BA and multiple subject credential in 4 years.

All was going according to plan until I stepped foot into my first student teaching classroom placement my senior year. It didn’t feel right.

Meanwhile, my longtime passion of makeup was pulling at me. Asking me to pay attention. My second invitation has been knocking at my door for quite some time- friends and family has been telling me to be a professional makeup artist for year. But I couldn’t see past my first invitation of being a teacher.

While the life I thought I was creating was quickly falling apart, I applied for esthetician school on a whim and was added to the wait list.

I made the very challenging decision to leave the credential program and graduate with a BA and not a credential.

Upon returning home, I got a job at a preschool to “hold me over while I figured things out.” Little did I know that early education would become my passion for nearly 10 years. After a year teaching, I realized I could teach and figure out a career in beauty.

After a year of esthetician school, Kim Baker Beauty was born in 2014 and the Bay Beauty Artist team was born in 2021.

But motherhood changed me.

My daughter was born in July 2020. At the time my preschool has kept us fully employed, working remote to support families when they requested it. At the end of March 2020, I was invited to become a Beautycounter brand advocate and by May I was coaching other Beautycounter brand advocates how to sell on Instagram.

Coaching provided me with a fulfilling way to make money while also being present with my newborn.

When the world began to open up in 2021, Kim Baker Beauty was thriving and pulled me away from coaching. And my work pulled me away from my family.

I began to dread what once felt fulfilling and exciting.

I was missing out on my child’s life- multiple weddings on the weekends, working countless hours including while with my child.

My next steps were clear and yet it was still hard to take them. I felt guilty for not being present in my family. I felt like a failure for not being able to balance everything.

Even when I was with my family, I was unhappy. And it showed.

When I finally took the first steps, it was scary. All the time and money I had put into my business. Everything I had learned. It felt like I had wasted time getting nowhere.

But motherhood changed me. It made me stronger.

I evaluated what I knew. What I could do. What I wanted to do. I talked to people. I asked for help.

All things I want my child to learn to do. We do not have to be alone in our struggles.

In asking for help, I found employment where I could use all of my accumulated business and marketing skills. And the best part being that I am now able to detach from my work to be more present with my family while contributing more towards our goals.

But being the person I am, I want to help more. I want to contribute more to my family. I want to use my knowledge to help others. And all while knowing my boundaries of what does not work for me and my family.